This fall has been a beautiful one. I decided early this fall that this season is most definitely my favorite. The colorful leaves never cease to stun me and it is one season out here in Seattle where the changes are most apparent: the weather turns chilly and I get out my crock-pot to make soups, pumpkin spice to make pumpkin pie. Our new home is surrounded by large trees and their changing leaves. I have found many new places to run throughout our neighborhood, and my days have been sprinkled with walks through Seattle parks with my friend Sam, a 19 month old boy whom I nanny for.
There has been a lot of waiting and hoping for me in this season. With our move to Lynnwood, I stopped working in Property Management. Though I was glad to be done with that job, it has left me with a lot of spare time on my hands...time to really sit with my longings and hope. Sometimes it was easier for me to just keep myself busy, because the sitting is so painful.
I sat with my desire to be successful, to move forward in my career, and work in the mental health field full-time. I have really been hoping for a job in this area that I really fit well in since 2009, but with all this extra time, the void was definitely deeper and bigger in my heart. I did a few interviews, sat with the pain, didn't get those jobs, and then sat with the pain some more.
I stated reading Nehemiah, a book of the Bible I had been led through back in college and then had proceeded to lead my parents to this study as well. This is the study they claim God used to draw them back to himself. This is really what I was needing...to be drawn back to the heart of God. He encouraged me as well, those mornings I sat on the couch with my cup of coffee trying to understand what was going on amidst the wars and lists.....God's plans do not fail, He finishes what He sets out to do, and He listens to our requests, our prayers. God can do anything.
So I started praying big, I went to interviews this time with a prayer starting something like, "God you can do anything....." Some more waiting and hoping. I started thinking about how I would cope if God called me to continue working as a nanny through the time Josh and I plan to have kiddos ourselves. In retrospect, I think this was helpful and harmful, I was "settling" for something I didn't really want so I didn't have to hold this painful hope, and I think it helped me start to become a little more content with where I was at. My discontentment had really been eating away at me.
Then I got a call. I was offered one of the jobs I had interviewed for. I accepted, told my new supervisor I was eager to start working with her and said good-bye. I was numb inside. I started crying. God you can do anything. So often I confess I am too prideful to ask.
So I don't know if this job is perfect for me. I pray that it is good enough for now. God help me to never forget these months, these painful months of waiting and longing. I don't know what God has planned for me in these upcoming years, but I am so grateful that he is teaching me to trust him again.
