myself with a ponytail....

AGAIN!~

I got my hair cut just a bit after our wedding a year ago because it was 90 degrees and I had mono. I decided that if I was just going to put it in a ponytail all the time I might as well just get it cut.

Well, today, though my hair is short, I tried the ponytail again.
My hair is not quite long enough but to brave the heat of this summer I think I may need it (and appreciate it A LOT!) This picture reminds me of my mom, when I was in H.S. and college she told me that she always wanted a ponytail like me (the ponytail I used to have) but her hair was never quite long enough and she never had quite enough patience to grow it out.

I think I'm growing mine out now. My stint with short hair is over. For now.

It was a hard run today at Discovery Park, it has quickly turned into a HOT summer in Seattle and I am definitely not acclimated. The park today was stunningly GORGEOUS and I am definitely not sorry I went.

the seats I sit in sometimes

Funny observation but I realized yesterday that in our new place, I have 7, yes 7 seats that I sit in sometimes. They are each comfortable, I could sit in them for an extended period of time. These do not include all the seats in our home, just all of the ones that are not exclusively Josh's.

Seat #1: bed. perfect for napping also with my lavender eye pillow.



Seat #2: office chair. I use this one a lot. This apartment managing requires a lot of time at the desk.

Seat #3: Our 1st couch, original to the first Joshua Jones home in Capitol Hill. Gift from a good friend who lives out East now. Old, but comfy.

Seat #4: Our new couch, super soft and comfy too. We bought this from a Poly Sci PhD student who was doing work in the internet, copyright laws area. He blessed Josh (my engineer working in embedded and large scale power systems) as we left with his furniture, "May you use your powers for good and not cross over to the dark side" hacking,etc.

Seat #5: Came with our new couch. Currently a good reading chair for me.

Seat #6: Original to my first home in Seattle. This one is an Ikea classic. In our old place we could never sit in it because Josh used it as a resting place for his book bag and notes and tupperware lunch containers he "didn't have time to" put in the sink 15 ft away, etc. etc.


Seat #7: And my chair in our dining room, at our dining room table. Notice the healthy oranges we have in the center and our accent wall, still red. I think I am going to leave it for a while. I have better things to worry about right now. I have decided not to worry about it and Josh's black and white Paris picture looks good on it.

At our old place I had 3 seats (which I would sit in sometimes). I LOVE variety. Makes life more interesting.

One year

Wedded Bliss? Sometimes :-)

I love being married to this man. He is so smart, thoughtful, kind, insightful, gentlemanly, fun! I love that I can trust him completely. I can trust him to make decisions when I can't make them....Though he is an engineer and me a therapist, we really do think similarly at times. When I make mistakes he has grace for me.

There have been the hard parts of this year too: learning to live in that small apartment in Capitol Hill together, figuring out how to reconcile the fact that he was ALWAYS studying somedays, figuring out how to handle this apartment managing job TOGETHER, starting to save for a house, staying in my job at Fairfax so we would have benefits and steady income, ending with my therapist of 4 years.......etc.

Most of the hard parts I can see the good in too. It's not always wedded bliss, but in those days when it doesn't feel like it, at least I have my man by my side. I know he loves me and won't leave me. When it gets really hard, when I am crying, I know he will be there to hold me.

I'd say all in all, this year has been wonderful. Looking forward to many many many more years to come and still learning how to love him more.
I love you Joshua Dean Jones :-)

And for the record, though it is a fun tradition, the wedding cake, 1 year frozen and post freezer burn, doesn't taste as good as your wedding day.

moving in!

I don't have too much time tonight to write but I wanted to post some pictures of our new place. We are so grateful for the handful of friends who helped us on Saturday.

We finished moving in yesterday and are organizing up a storm.

Almost not sure what to do with all the space we have....though I have no doubt we will fill it.

Here are some rooms we have just started to work on.

living room/kitchen
my darling in our new bedroom! Our closet is wonderful and a welcome change from the small one we had to share in our old place.


dining/living room, we ate our first dinner tonight at this table, looking out at the gorgeous Ballard locks!

living room/patio, yes, there is a deck and a wonderful view! Check out those windows!

Yay! I will post more pictures later and we get more put into place.

Tomorrow we have to finish cleaning out the old unit and the old building. Then we will get more work done here.

hold up!

I got a little too excited about painting that accent wall yesterday. My day has been full of packing, taping up boxes, and more packing.

Josh and I took a car load over this afternoon. I'm so glad I don't have to do this by myself.

When we got to the Commodore today we unloaded all the boxes, broke them down and I repacked many of them this evening. I'll take another load over tomorrow.

I am so glad that I had today and have tomorrow off. If I was doing all this after working all day it would be exhausting!

I'm am so ready and eager for Josh to be done with finals tomorrow! He has helped me some in the evenings but some of the computer/maintenance stuff of his I can't pack so it will be good to have some more help.

Okay, time to get my beauty sleep. I've got some more work to do tomorrow. can't wait until this moving process is all over.

accent

My task this week before we move in completely to our new apartment is to repaint this accent wall.

It is hard to tell in the picture but the trim is burgundy and the wall is red. Clashes horribly.

This is our new dining area, yes, we will have an entire area for dining, exciting isn't it! This space is connected to the living room, adjacent to the kitchen on the right and a window on the left.

I've never painted an accent wall before, but there's only one way to start I guess.

I picked up some color samples today and I am going to pick the color tomorrow. I'm leaning towards a light brown with some reddish/burgundy hues.

I am going to start with the primer tomorrow. This is quite a project for me. I'm excited.

We're gonna start with a clean slate in this place, our new unit is an empty canvas; ours to decorate and fill. May our creativity bring life and rest to those who enter.

overwhelmed?

You know I am feeling just a bit overwhelmed when.....

I go to the grocery store for my biweekly trip and willingly buy mostly processed food, hamburger helper, and just some fruits and vegetables. The cashier picked up my small jar of garlic from the conveyer belt and said "is this yours?"

Based on my grocery cart today, I guess I don't seem like the kind of gal that cooks with garlic.

Why am I a feeling overwhelmed you may ask? Well, our move has to be done in just over a week and a half! I work 16 hours tomorrow, Josh will be studying all weekend. We have barely begun to start packing our apartment because we don't have room for the boxes unless they are broken down. We need to start moving stuff ASAP.

I stopped by our new building today only to find that 1) the unit I was supposed to clean today is still full of random doorhandles, screws, and other trash from the contractors and handymen, also 2) the unit we are supposed to move into has a LOT of work to be done to it before the painter comes next week. There are a lot of random holes in the walls and hooks that need to be filled in and I will have no idea until at least Monday if Josh and I will be responsible for finishing preparation for the painter. Boo. There are other minor (ahem, MAJOR) issues too that Josh is trying to get me to forget about for now, but I would like to deal with them sooner than later.

I wasn't able to finish cleaning the unit I was scheduled to get done today (this will be put off until sometime next week I suppose). Our unit needs an accent wall painted (it is bright red!), holes filled in, lights changed out, the built in dressers in the master bedroom closet need to be taken out, dowels need to be put in.....etc. etc. Much of this above list I cannot do and Josh will have to take care of after he is done with his finals Wednesday. I need to figure out how to operate the old, barely functioning drapes in our unit or these need to be taken out and replaced with blinds as well.

And, all of our stuff in our current apartment needs to be moved across town to our new apartment. Locks need to be changed out in our new unit and the maintenance closet before any of our stuff can be moved. Our old apartment needs cleaning after all that is done.

Whew. I bought a bunch of junk food and processed food today at Safeway because 1) I don't think I am going to have time or energy to cook in the next week, 2) neither will Josh and he needs brain food for studying this weekend. If I don't buy it or cook better options for him at home then he just goes and buys it himself 3) I think I personally just needed to give myself some space in this area, nutrition. It's just a week or so. I will probably be tired of this stuff when it runs out.

Self care, right?

back from Folklife....

and enjoying my candied nuts! Josh and my favorite food at Seattle Center events. There is one booth usually near the Mural Amphitheater stage where an older man roasts and sells them.

Ahh, such a cultural experience at this folklife.

The freedom and creativity filling the artists at this glorious Memorial Day weekend event is inspiring! SOOO Much fun!

If you notice all of my pictures where taken at the Mural Amphitheater, one of my FAVORITE stages in the Seattle Center events. Yes, I do know most of them. Bumbershoot and Folklife are 2 of my favorite festivals in Seattle; I especially enjoy the lack of order at Folklife. There are artists on every pathway, randomly scattered presenting thoughtfully created musical and artist masterpieces.

poco wine room

This is the best restaurant in Capitol Hill (according to me) hands down. I definitely recommend.

Poco Wine Room on 14th and Pine.

Each time I go there I am even more amazed by their food than before. Nothing about this place is ordinary.

Good food. Good wine. Great friend. Good atmosphere. Good night.




My beautiful friend Sandy figuring out our exorbitant check.

comfort

My wonderful husband reminded me today amidst my fear, of my strength.

He reminded me of that a vigilance is sometimes necessary to choose comfort over violence.

Today I chose comfort. I am learning to be grateful for my tears as they lead me into more meaningful grieving. My tears remind me that I need a Kleenex (comfort), I need a Kleenex to hold my tears. I need comfort to help me resist my old patterns of violence and self-doubt. It is okay to need comfort.

Oh Lord, my sorrow, fear, and disorientation from today is precious. May these usher me into a season of even more healing and joy.


Thank you God for beauty and for my ability to seek it.

Thank you God for the tender, rhythmic crashing of the waves on this Edmonds beach. The smooth water and blue sky which I can look across for miles.

Thank you God for the hands of the woman who massaged my feet and painted my toenails. What difficult and hard things these feet carry me through; they deserve care.

Thank you for good friends, the Taki Tiki Bar, and good beer :-)

remember

Whenever I hear about the specific manner in which one is grieving an experience well in their life I often wonder "how did he/she know to do that?" Like many hard things in life I want there to be some type of a formula which would be best in helping a person get through a tough time.

Today as I am faced with the challenge of grieving and my desire to do it well, I am afraid I won't preform, that I will fail miserably in grieving this well. Specifically I am fearful that I will fall back into the low, dark places I have been. I am afraid that the changes that have occurred in me in the last 4 years will somehow be reversed if I fail at this point.

Hasn't there be so much more grace offered to me?

As I sit and remember those moments that I hear of others grieving well, I am aware that there is no real formula. There are commonalities though; grieving seems to be a creative process where one decides to care for themselves above all else and spend time remembering. Not so that the remembering process will be done and closed off, but so the remembering will have space to be honored.

Ok, so God, this is probably the first time I have attempted to do this well. May this not be the last time and may I not feel like I have failed miserably even if I do make a mistake or two. Thank you for grace. Help me learn to have grace for myself as You have grace for me.

our server

sometimes I feel like this server is like our first child. while so many of our friends are having babies...this Jones family has a server.

check out Josh's words about it.

I have had several conversations recently about the noise involved with this thing. It sounds like a wind tunnel. I told Josh that this new piece of equipment may share a room with our baby someday...he still decided that we needed it. And somehow he just took a couple of the fans out.

No really, I'm glad my Josh is so good with computers....though he can be kind of a nerd sometimes. Now I guess all of our files can be like TRIPLE backed up, not sure what that's for, but if it were up to me, our files would seriously already be lost.

Josh is right, we're not quite ready for a baby.

Commodore

I meant to take before and after shots, but instead you see an after shot......


and some of the tools and tasks I was busy with today.



Oh boy. My hands are sore after using a screwdriver for over 2 hours taking fixtures, internet cable, and cover plates off the wall so this place could be painted.

What beautiful sunshiney day to be in this unit working! I love the view and the light streaming in. We are about to move into the unit above this one! Hopeful we will find a renter for this one soon as well.

my moonstone

a moonstone is a gem characterized by its enchanting play of light. moonstones are said to symbolize our being in its entirety; if you look into it deep enough, its soft shimmer is said to strengthen our emotional and subconscious selves.

some say that this rock evokes our tender feelings, and that wearing it strengthens our intuition and capacity to understand.

I bought this pendant yesterday at "The Wishing Stone" in downtown Edmonds. For 4 years I have frequented this shop before or after my trips to therapy. Each time, these beautiful gems were a welcome distraction right before I walked up the stairs to my therapist's office.
I have never bought anything at this quaint little shop before except for my mother as gift when Josh and I got married.

My relationship with my therapist is ending next week. I have been with him, nearly every week for 4 years. We started a few weeks after my move out to Seattle until now. Somehow I had that courage to walk up to his office, he walked with me through so much...

To mark our relationship and help me grieve I splurged. This gem will forever be a memory of the journey I have traveled these four years, a reminder of my own strength, my own courage, and an invitation to continue in my attempts to understand.

God has blessed me immensely with these 4 years, though I am sad they need to end, I am grateful, so grateful.

boxes

Today I acquired an immense amount of packing materials and boxes (the entire wardrobe box is full of broken down boxes also).

Our upcoming move is feeling more real now.

And our apartment is pretty small to hold these boxes in here much longer.....

We hope to be done moving by June 15, this is when we start managing our new building.


This is it, THE COMMODORE. Believe me, it looks a lot smaller in this picture than it is. 33 units, mostly 2 bedrooms, and they each have patios and views of the Locks.

And here are some views we will soon enjoy....


Nearby friends, we'll let you know when we could use some help. We haven't set a date yet for when we will move the big stuff. It will probably be sometime after June 9 (when Josh has his last final).

enraged.

I ventured into watching a not rated (NR) movie last night. Usually they aren't that good, but I was pleasantly surprised. This movie is about two elementary school teachers in Brooklyn. One is a Muslim woman, the other an Orthodox Jew. Despite the disapproval of their families they become great friends.

Near the beginning of the movie during the teacher's orientation and training to start the school year, the principal of this school is trying to "educate" her new teachers in cultural competence. Though her intentions are good, this principal's view of the acceptance of another's differences is so very limited; she knew how to "accept" the people in her school from inner city Brooklyn but was oblivious in treating her new Muslim and Orthodox Jew teachers with equality.

In one scene the principal tells these two teachers that they aren't experiencing life to the fullest within their religious traditions because they are not open enough to another's opinions and ways of doing things (look who's talking!) The principal puts down these teacher's manners of dressing (one with a head covering and the other very conservative) and offers to give them each enough money to buy new wardrobes.

Both teachers are enraged after this confrontation. One thinks it would be a good idea to sue the school. One says, "or we could just educate them."

Educating the school at this point may be an extremely difficult task, but it is something to think about. Far too often my anger gets in the way of my love and compassion for others.

today I hope to not let my anger get in the way of SEEING.

inspection in Seattle sunshine.

What a lovely day in Seattle! Around lunchtime it clouded over and sprinkled just enough to bring out the fresh rain smell I have become so accustomed to, and LOVE.

The sun came out again later this afternoon. Josh and I had some work to do around our building. I cleaned the hallways, stairwells (one of our weekly tasks), he worked on some mulching/landscaping out front.

I love our neighborhood.



I really love our building. Didn't Josh do a great job!

Next, Josh and I did an "inspection" of our roof. With such a lovely evening, we couldn't pass up the opportunity. Margaritas in hand (Josh's was virgin because he had to study later), we went up there to "inspect" and enjoy the beauty.


We are pretty grateful for this place. The photos don't even do it justice.

Our Love Story

Oh my. What a goood movie. It is a tear jerker and touched my heart in some ways it is not easily touched. It urges my heart to hope and to pray...

The romance between these two is beautiful, courageous, and strong. Together they know love and will not accept a love that is false.

Oh Lord, strengthen our love that it be bold, courageous and strong. Let us never grow tired of supporting one another and together walk towards freedom that is good. Amen.

Our neighborhood "Matador"

Those who know Josh and me, know that The Matador in Ballard is our absolute favorite place to go on date nights. Many many nights in graduate school we would go there (usually Sunday nights) after studying and get one of their wonderful, towering platters of steak nachos. Mac and Jacks, my favorite beer is even on tap there! The Matador will always be my favorite around Seattle for happy hour/reasonably priced dates, but I wanted to introduce you to our neighborhood "Matador" in Capitol Hill. Josh and I walked down to this neighborhood Mexican restaurant tonight to relive some memories and enjoy their nachos :-)



El Farol. Our neighborhood "Matador."

peruse the interior....




cute, quaint. Sometimes it is busy, often it is not (but this hidden gem on 15th should no longer be overlooked!)



The nachos are wonderful. A little more authentic Mexican than the "tex mex" of the Matador. We recognize the family waitstaff every time we walk in there (and they often recognize us). Prices are comparable and hey, what beats being able to walk to your dinner? Josh and I have enjoyed many date nights here.